September 17th, 2009

1st period today was a prep followed by bilingual kindergarten. It was a beautiful class. There was an energy in the room that I enjoyed very much. Everything flowed well and it felt like we all had a grasp of the expectations we’d talked about and what that looked like. I was very pleased. I also received permission slips back already for the after school program I’m running with a partner program in October so that was very exciting!

Then came my third period tech support. I did the errands etc that I needed and returned to my room. The student from yesterday came in again. I was coming back from the main building and some teachers were standing inside and informed me that we had a runner. They asked if I was free and if the student could come by. I said of course. He came with me and we started doing Orff again. We worked on various xylophone/xylophone, xylophone/metallophone and xylophone/piano combinations. It was amazing. I’ve never seen someone fall so into it. Not only that. But I was amazed at his rhythm and pitch patterns. I was playing an open bottom fifth on the metalophone. Eighth notes on the G, quarters on the C and at a brisk walking tempo. Not too rushed/fast. He not only came up with counterpuntal and syncopated rhythms, he was creating and repeating pitch rhythmic patterns in different octaves in tempo off the top of his head. Not only that but the pitch sequences were non-step wise. They had mixed harmonic intervals. When I added dynamic contrast he kept along with that. We went to various instruments. I loved it so much. After an amazing kindergarten class first period, this was wonderful.

We then sat down and talked about a compromise between us. I asked if it became ok to for him to come down here when he needed to and if I didn’t have a class, he could think more about running when he has that urge. We talked about why running was scary and what that meant in terms of our and his safety. He offered a pinky promise. I’m less interested in the promise then him setting his own goals. Mr. F mentioned that the student really wants to keep his promises but physically can’t. I totally see that so I just hope having this physical and emotional outlet can become a safer alternative.

The class following and directly before lunch also went very well and we had a lot of fun today! Lunch was nice, and though unrelated, I had an awesome Cuban sandwich except it wasn’t really a Cuban sandwich because they used steak instead of roasted pork. Still, it was delicious. I also managed to get an interview and some clips for my intended documentary on this year!

Then came 1st grade CTT. It was awful. I was so upset. There were fights. The guidance counselor was their helping but in the process of doing so I was so hurt by his words of instruction on what I “should” have been doing in those moments. I know they were in the moment and to get things done and I shouldn’t take it beyond that. I was uncomfortable restraining a student for fear of legal repercussions but I was not going to let them hurt themselves and each other like that. It wasn’t even that he said anything harsh. It just felt so out of control. I wasn’t. I would have handled it. I’ve had that class by myself without even a Para. I just needed a couple minutes. Regardless though, the safety of the students deteriorated rapidly. Children were running, grabbing mallets, playing instruments, pulling and pushing each other, some were laughing, we were chasing the few who were getting physical. It was a rainy day so no one had recess. Eventually one was removed after breaking up one fight and being in another (the one who’d been visiting me and had earlier in the day), one we gave side work to after he stopped crying, and the other student running and fighting I talked down. Then we mellowed, listened to some music and sang quietly. The rest of the class was about trying to maintain low energy and using song and music to channel our thoughts and feelings. I’m still stunned. I’m so upset. I feel broken after that. I’m sure I’m overreacting but I just feel helpless. I want to go talk to the Guidance Counselor, and I will before I leave today but I can’t believe how all that happened.

My last class, though more talkative then usua,l was fun but I’m sure would’ve been more fun if I didn’t have this on my mind. I think they could tell that it was bothering me. I mean, I know they could. I wish I could have been more present for their class. KBam thanks for your feedback and I do need to move on, and be in that moment instead of over thinking the last class or even the one I’m in. You as always, are a rockstar.

After extended day and dismissal I stopped in to chat with my union rep and another of the newer teachers. I asked about restraint and fights and that protocol. I know now that under no circumstances do we ever HAVE to break up a fight. We don’t know what’s in our kids bags or pockets. In any neighborhood, and trying to avoid as many assumptions as I can about this one especially, there could be anything from drugs to needles etc. Someone found a lighter and started a fire in the bathroom today. A second grader. That being said, I still want to, and will put my body in between two students. I would rather their safety first. I do have that right knowing that I am taking that risk on my own. That is my moral compass.

And see, in many ways, in hearing about or speaking directly to teachers of the school that we are phasing out and taking over so to speak, this year is already much better. The other school was reportedly chaos. Students running through the halls, screaming, shouting, and swearing. Teachers yelled and were strict to the extreme. This school is different. We wait. We are a community. We will not yell. We take ownership of ourselves and our actions as classes and people. This is taking time to transition. This is a new and different way of being. This framework though is warm and loving. We are passionate and even when tired and exhausted on little sleep and seeming to live in this school, we still work so hard for these kids, parents, ourselves, and the community. That is so cool to see in my fellow teachers. I respect them all for it very much. I’m lucky to be here.