The First Day of School

My first day! So, from the beginning. I didn’t sleep well last night. I kept waking up and thinking it was time to go. It wasn’t. Finally the alarm when off when I was really out of it but oh well I guess that’s to be expected. I woke up, showered, and Hannah and I went to Tom’s restaurant. It was a fun, and filling way to start the day. After that it was off to school. I managed to set up the projector for my SMART board and get the musical alphabet laminated before I had to go watch the car lot. Afterward, I went up to the mini-gym where it seemed kind of emptyish. That went away quickly and we filled up. There were kids and parents everywhere. Kindergartners were crying not wanting to leave their parents. Other kids didn’t know where to go or if they were in the correct school. I will say though, that for the chaos of it all, it was still organized. Everyone knew where to be and we managed, late, but we managed to start the day with the school song and head out to the classrooms.

The remainder of my morning consisted of helping get some more late registrations to their rooms. I also finished putting up my alphabet and getting set/organized for the classes of the day. Then came the first class. They greeted me in the hallway with a “Good Morning, Mr. D.” I thought that was a fun start. We went in sat in circle and I didn’t care about who sat where. I just wanted to go! We started singing our introduction song, “Let me introduce myself, my name’s Mr. D, here we are in music…” etc. Everyone was singing. There was some talking so while we were singing I moved around the circle and occasionally pointed and re-sat some people. That went pretty well. Then we talked briefly after some piano demonstration about different ways we might have talked about music or head music talked about. We listened for this and then were able to free move to the song. Some students were shy. Others were trying to do everything from Michael Jackson to breakdancing. I really loved it but other students just laughed. In the moment I then asked everyone to close their eyes and to move in their places so to respect each others' space. This worked only briefly.

At a loss, I changed the music trying to see if there would be a change and there wasn’t. Then we sat down. I passed out rhythm sticks and I said instead of moving we’re going to listen and use our rhythm sticks to respond to the music. This was more universally participatory. It was also a nice lens into where the second graders were at in feeling pulse. Some students were using their rhythm sticks in different ways, which we talked about after. I asked what ways different ways we could use them (or not use them) citing examples from what just happened.

Then we transitioned over to talking about words we think we know about music and where/when/if/what they would like to think about/engage in throughout the year. This went only ok. The SMART board though very cool and useful lended itself to shadow puppetry and the like. We did have some words that went up like audio track, rapping, etc that I’ll merge into the word wall next week but I would have wanted more. After this the notecard activity went pretty well. I was happy. I haven’t had the chance to look at the cards yet but I’m excited to see what’s on them, especially as a means of self-assessment and gaining perspective. The walk to lunch was also interesting due again to the same particular student who’d been fairly disruptive all day.

Lunch was fine and so relaxing. I’d forgotten how nice it was to have a mid day mediation time. It was lovely. The afternoon was relaxing in prep for my second and last class of the day due to Kindergarten early dismissal. It was the 1st grade bilingual class. It started by them being 20 minutes late because they thought they had art. Then, after another great edition of the song game, the class fell apart. Completely. Totally. Well maybe I’m exaggerating. I never felt out of control. Almost, but not. I was never worried for any of the students’ or my safety. So, there is one student who of course will remain nameless but he was all over the place. When we got up to begin the movement to the music he was having none of the guidelines set out for safety, meaning, he was all over the room twirling, falling onto the floor etc. Finally, I asked that he sit down until he was ready to join in a way that respected all the members of the classroom. Even doing this was difficult, so much so that we had to end the movement activity and move on. I used the chalk board this time because of time constraints and my worry over the aforementioned student’s physical behavior. This went very well and I think was a fun and engaging exercise for the ELL’s as many students were participating including one who apparently, though this only comes from what the rest of the class said, had not spoken a single word all day not even to say her name. I felt happy there. After this though, the notecards were scary. Again, we were rushed due to 20 missing minutes but this student ended up hiding under one of the Orff tables and crawling out only to steal other student’s notecards and pencils and then rip them up. I couldn’t say anything. I wasn’t going to pull him out for fear of my own job but it was so very frustrating. I felt utterly helpless and so embarrassed and paranoid that someone was watching or could see.

After today, I feel much less nervous. I’m not afraid or intimidated by the kids. I don’t know why I was, I’ve spent plenty of time with and teaching this age group. However, I still feel so inadequate. I feel like I did an all out crappy job today. I feel like people know that because I asked for advice and explained the situation. What I don’t get? I’ve done this. I’ve handled this. Just because I don’t have my cooperating teacher in the room doesn’t make it any different right? Why does it feel that way then?

Also? I’m so at odds with this rule debate. I’ve been going back and forth all day. I want to show the students our routine. I don’t want to have to talk about rules etc. It’s not a lazy or ill-considered idea as I’ve thought about it, but I just don’t want to be stuck saying here are the rules, etc. I don’t know what that accomplishes. I don’t like the implicit and problematic power hierarchy embedded in that. Do I think we should create the rules together? Yes. I will revise and tomorrow will incorporate group expectation discussion in between movement and song. Do I think that doing that today would have “fixed” the issues I was having? No. I think this could help in general.

This is kind of the meta argument I’ve been facing lately. Behaviorism vs. learning. I don’t necessarily mean to dichotomize the two, but it’s such a fine line with this age. There are certain things that for all purposes it appears like these kids are being trained to do, meaning life skills like socio-interpersonal developmental skills, as well as how to ignite, harness, and maintain their own physical and emotional well beings. I struggle so much not wanting to punish or reward. I fight for intrinsic motivation. I want this class to be fun. We will have fun. We will have fun because I will think as hard as I can about the lenses, mediums, and levels of instruction that meet the students where they are at. Then again, I don’t see how to avoid the reality that there are certain things they cannot do. Why “can’t” they? Because the Chancellor’s code dictates that? Because it makes sense? I’d be happy to explain but I don’t know. I’m just so torn up with this. I want to engage openly as learners not as a trainer and his dogs. We are humans. However, from a developmental psych and bio perspective, there are certain things that we are still being reinforced to do as part of life. What are these things? Ha, I don’t even know right now.

How do I end tonight? I love teaching. I love what I’m doing. I love this school, and I already love these kids. I know this is what, where, and how I want to and dare I say “should” be right now. I know that I’m going to wake up tomorrow knowing that I thought about today and will take my intro lesson and carry it over modified with my reflections to better serve and engage all of us. That’s all I can do I guess. Push on knowing that it will get better, because I am better, because I’ve done and can do amazing things teaching music and I can’t ever let myself forget that.