It's very interesting to me the way that a three day weekend can have such an affect on the kids. It makes me think about the disproportionate effect of summer on middle and upper class students versus poor students/families. I don't know if that applies or manifests on such a marginal time frame, but still very interesting.
Needless today was a little more unsettled/off routine that I would have liked at this point, but at the same time there's still so much progress. I reread some of my original entries and it's reaffirming for me. I really love the brass lesson I'm doing with the first grade. It was a lot of fun. The only confusion today was a lunch time mix up because of run off voting in the cafeteria (we are a polling place).
I was very frustrated my class prior to lunch. We had to go back into their room because of the situation. That being said, I still never had them. Again though, I'm not going to yell, scream, bargain, or threaten. I did raise my voice but getting loud made the situation louder. It needed to be waited out. Some kids needed to be taken out but the phone didn't work and all the other surrounding rooms were away on prep. In the meantime, next class we'll revisit. I will wait. We will talk about our community and owning that community. When they're ready, we'll move on. Better now than in December.
Tomorrow's Wednesday already!?
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Friday, September 25th, 2009
Today was also fun. The first grade again this morning responded to the structure of the class. It wasn't as solid as yesterday, perhaps because it wasn't so new, but it still stuck and made the classroom so much more safe. I realize more and more that my deepest concern is safety. If something happens that's not safe, I do need to step in and sometimes in away that could seem more angry than I'd like to seem. I do not want to create a classroom of fear, but I also am responsible for everyone's (including my own) safety. That being said, the safety issue is something that I explain. If I need to lower my voice and get loud in order to maintain safety, I refuse to not explain myself. They deserve to always know or think about what the reasons might be for the things I say and ask. I remember always not understanding why something was told to me or why I had to do do something but not having it explained.
That being said, we are all learning the routine, respect, and care. I can see this more. I finally got to hand out recorders today to a second grade. We had a quarterly review meeting as well which was awesome in terms of checking in with other school staff and the administration about how we think we're doing, and where we can go within the specific framework of the review.
And of course. IT's FRIDAY! First ever school happy hour is next Friday!!!
That being said, we are all learning the routine, respect, and care. I can see this more. I finally got to hand out recorders today to a second grade. We had a quarterly review meeting as well which was awesome in terms of checking in with other school staff and the administration about how we think we're doing, and where we can go within the specific framework of the review.
And of course. IT's FRIDAY! First ever school happy hour is next Friday!!!
Thursday, September 24th, 2009
Today was awesome. Mainly, it was awesome because anything that could have happened was surpassed by how well the first grade CTT class went. I made the young man who visits me all the time and can be a lot to handle my helper. My teacher's assistant if you will. It went over so well. Not only did it mean I didn't have to worry about him, the "George" if you will (as I've called him in this blog before), it instead enabled George to assist in classroom management and working the lesson. I was so pleased with how it went. It also helped that the other student who usually causes a lot of trouble was not present.
Additionally, I was just very happy with the lesson. Much of this week was about really getting into the Orff and other instruments objects in the classroom. It's a slow introduction where we are adding numbers. I look forward to the time when we can all have instruments at the same time. For now, working in single groups is the way to go. Otherwise, today was a lot of fun. This class just made me so happy. I like the idea of more student ownership in class and behavior contributing to a more positive classroom.
Additionally, I was just very happy with the lesson. Much of this week was about really getting into the Orff and other instruments objects in the classroom. It's a slow introduction where we are adding numbers. I look forward to the time when we can all have instruments at the same time. For now, working in single groups is the way to go. Otherwise, today was a lot of fun. This class just made me so happy. I like the idea of more student ownership in class and behavior contributing to a more positive classroom.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Follow up to Monday's Entry
Regarding behavior/police etc, I was thinking today about it more as I read a chapter of Kohn's "Punished by Rewards" again on the way to school. I brought it for another teacher grappling with similar ideas. In the meantime, chapter 8 reaffirmed my inarticulate ideas on Monday. I marked the paragraph and this is almost more of a reminder to myself to post that when I get the book back.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
September 22, 2009
I think I got lucky today. So many of the other staff members seemed to be having a really rough day. My day was definitely not so bad. It was definitely busy though. My prep was taken up with going through permission slips and logging them/checking them with the rosters for the after school program. This followed by full day in which I was also to be preparing for the Open House that afternoon/evening. The only realy sour moment of the day was my class right before lunch. Despite a couple moments of togetherness it was very out of hand. I was a couple times worried seriously about student safety and I'm uncomfortable feeling helpless like that. Again, watching things fall apart. It was really tough for me.
I was reassured slightly by a very satisfactory lunch email from the prior day's mini observation by my principal. Lunch was also another UFT meeting. It was just our rep this time who is wonderful so I enjoyed it. I was still overwhelmed and slightly confused. I need to finish reading our contract, but overall it was helpful. SO important to read . I wish I'd done it this summer or earlier!
The afternoon today was also pretty smooth and again I feel lucky compared to how some teachers seemed to feel today. The only afternoon hiccup was when the student who I've written about many times now, made his way into the room. He was followed by the other student who often has similar outbursts, the Para, Social Worker, and Principal. I watched/tried to help for 15 minutes as they attempted to ask, beg, and physically restrain/carry the student out of the room. I so wish there was another way. The behavior plan involved stickers and rewards. I wonder why it's not working. I mean I get that it's a temporary fix to a situation that is often and easily out of control but I feel like there's a larger issue not being addressed and no one knows what that issue is yet. These two kids were all over the room before they were finally "controlled". This included throwing Orff Mallets, Pulling out recorders and running down the hall blowing as hard as possible. It was kind of scary. I need to remember to submit an anecdotal/incident report.
After that ordeal, extended day was lovely. I really enjoy getting to push in and help with language work. It reinforces my own Spanish and I get to interact and engage in a different lens and environment.
The open house was also very successful. It's amazing how kids act around their parents. Everyone is happy to be back all of a sudden. Lots of hugs for Mr. D. Let's go hangout in Mr. D's room and make music. SO interesting.
Looking back on these last few days as we move into the instruments, etc. I really want to engage in more dialogue in class. I know that these can't be too long, but I think we need to adjust to having them. We've been stopping to talk, but I'd like to change what we talk about to things more like I've been doing when referencing our notecards. I think that will be my project from now: making sure that I make myself stop and talk with everyone.
I was reassured slightly by a very satisfactory lunch email from the prior day's mini observation by my principal. Lunch was also another UFT meeting. It was just our rep this time who is wonderful so I enjoyed it. I was still overwhelmed and slightly confused. I need to finish reading our contract, but overall it was helpful. SO important to read . I wish I'd done it this summer or earlier!
The afternoon today was also pretty smooth and again I feel lucky compared to how some teachers seemed to feel today. The only afternoon hiccup was when the student who I've written about many times now, made his way into the room. He was followed by the other student who often has similar outbursts, the Para, Social Worker, and Principal. I watched/tried to help for 15 minutes as they attempted to ask, beg, and physically restrain/carry the student out of the room. I so wish there was another way. The behavior plan involved stickers and rewards. I wonder why it's not working. I mean I get that it's a temporary fix to a situation that is often and easily out of control but I feel like there's a larger issue not being addressed and no one knows what that issue is yet. These two kids were all over the room before they were finally "controlled". This included throwing Orff Mallets, Pulling out recorders and running down the hall blowing as hard as possible. It was kind of scary. I need to remember to submit an anecdotal/incident report.
After that ordeal, extended day was lovely. I really enjoy getting to push in and help with language work. It reinforces my own Spanish and I get to interact and engage in a different lens and environment.
The open house was also very successful. It's amazing how kids act around their parents. Everyone is happy to be back all of a sudden. Lots of hugs for Mr. D. Let's go hangout in Mr. D's room and make music. SO interesting.
Looking back on these last few days as we move into the instruments, etc. I really want to engage in more dialogue in class. I know that these can't be too long, but I think we need to adjust to having them. We've been stopping to talk, but I'd like to change what we talk about to things more like I've been doing when referencing our notecards. I think that will be my project from now: making sure that I make myself stop and talk with everyone.
September 21, 2009
Today was a pretty standard day I think as far as they seem to come. I didn't particularly have any major problems. This morning was taking care of tech and administrative as well as lesson planning work as they first couple period s on Monday are set for. We did have our first fire drill today. I enjoyed stopping traffic and it seemed like it all went very well. The afternoon flew by and soon we were off to our PD. I'm still slightly confused as to how it works that we have Monday PD but oh well.
After this were my classes at TC. I was slightly scrambling to finish some of the reading so I stopped off at the library first to finish. The classes were again wonderful. I felt very prepared and really enjoyed how my two courses kind of complement each other. I am still having to adjust to the subtelties of language in a sociological context as well as what different ideas and theories through this lens mean in terms of my own theory and practice.
For example, I struggled with the idea of power and authority as an important aspect of a teacher's job. We discussed--being mindful that it was through a functionalist theory lens--that as society expects (from Jefferson through to today) schools to teach students what it means to be a citizen and to live in a democracy as well as how the systems of hierarchy operate within that, teachers become the first ideas of authority. They (we) are in effect, "agents of the state" as it was put in class. Police as to adults, as teachers are to students in establishing societal norms and hierarchy. This is done, was the argument, through behavior "management" or discipline.
I struggled with this though because I did not see this as functional. I think that thinking of teachers as the classroom police is counterintuitive to a functional analysis. Through this same lens, it is also said that education serves to create and maintain social efficiency/equilibrium thereby balancing the aggregate economic growth as well. This being said, if teachers are to police their classrooms as part of a "democratic" education, how is that we are to engage free thinkers who enter into the world eager to extend themselves and to fill their roles.
That being said, this is the problem with looking at anything through a singular lens. I'm not even really articulating my issue with the statement above (in my defense I'm exhausted). I just loved this perspective though because it was a very single minded way of exploring education as a huge actor in our society.
After this were my classes at TC. I was slightly scrambling to finish some of the reading so I stopped off at the library first to finish. The classes were again wonderful. I felt very prepared and really enjoyed how my two courses kind of complement each other. I am still having to adjust to the subtelties of language in a sociological context as well as what different ideas and theories through this lens mean in terms of my own theory and practice.
For example, I struggled with the idea of power and authority as an important aspect of a teacher's job. We discussed--being mindful that it was through a functionalist theory lens--that as society expects (from Jefferson through to today) schools to teach students what it means to be a citizen and to live in a democracy as well as how the systems of hierarchy operate within that, teachers become the first ideas of authority. They (we) are in effect, "agents of the state" as it was put in class. Police as to adults, as teachers are to students in establishing societal norms and hierarchy. This is done, was the argument, through behavior "management" or discipline.
I struggled with this though because I did not see this as functional. I think that thinking of teachers as the classroom police is counterintuitive to a functional analysis. Through this same lens, it is also said that education serves to create and maintain social efficiency/equilibrium thereby balancing the aggregate economic growth as well. This being said, if teachers are to police their classrooms as part of a "democratic" education, how is that we are to engage free thinkers who enter into the world eager to extend themselves and to fill their roles.
That being said, this is the problem with looking at anything through a singular lens. I'm not even really articulating my issue with the statement above (in my defense I'm exhausted). I just loved this perspective though because it was a very single minded way of exploring education as a huge actor in our society.
Monday, September 21, 2009
September 18th, 2009
Friday Friday Friday Friday Friday Friday Friday Friday Friday Friday Friday Friday Friday Friday Friday Friday Friday Friday Friday Friday Friday Friday Friday Friday. I Love Fridays. Today was no exception.
Admittedly, I don't have anything to crazy to report. The 1st grade CTT Class went so much better. The student who I've been working with has a one on one finally which was great and made such a huge difference. We got to start working on our songs for Ms. T this week which was so much fun. They are going very well also.
At lunch our principal invited us into her office for Pizza and Goodies. It was really nice and fun to hang out with everyone.
The afternoon and really the whole day flew by. I've already received tons of permission slips for the October after school program as well. Very exciting. I can't WAIT for the weekend.
*Side note...My apologies for the delayed posting. I had it in my journal and kept forgetting to post online.
Admittedly, I don't have anything to crazy to report. The 1st grade CTT Class went so much better. The student who I've been working with has a one on one finally which was great and made such a huge difference. We got to start working on our songs for Ms. T this week which was so much fun. They are going very well also.
At lunch our principal invited us into her office for Pizza and Goodies. It was really nice and fun to hang out with everyone.
The afternoon and really the whole day flew by. I've already received tons of permission slips for the October after school program as well. Very exciting. I can't WAIT for the weekend.
*Side note...My apologies for the delayed posting. I had it in my journal and kept forgetting to post online.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
September 17th, 2009
1st period today was a prep followed by bilingual kindergarten. It was a beautiful class. There was an energy in the room that I enjoyed very much. Everything flowed well and it felt like we all had a grasp of the expectations we’d talked about and what that looked like. I was very pleased. I also received permission slips back already for the after school program I’m running with a partner program in October so that was very exciting!
Then came my third period tech support. I did the errands etc that I needed and returned to my room. The student from yesterday came in again. I was coming back from the main building and some teachers were standing inside and informed me that we had a runner. They asked if I was free and if the student could come by. I said of course. He came with me and we started doing Orff again. We worked on various xylophone/xylophone, xylophone/metallophone and xylophone/piano combinations. It was amazing. I’ve never seen someone fall so into it. Not only that. But I was amazed at his rhythm and pitch patterns. I was playing an open bottom fifth on the metalophone. Eighth notes on the G, quarters on the C and at a brisk walking tempo. Not too rushed/fast. He not only came up with counterpuntal and syncopated rhythms, he was creating and repeating pitch rhythmic patterns in different octaves in tempo off the top of his head. Not only that but the pitch sequences were non-step wise. They had mixed harmonic intervals. When I added dynamic contrast he kept along with that. We went to various instruments. I loved it so much. After an amazing kindergarten class first period, this was wonderful.
We then sat down and talked about a compromise between us. I asked if it became ok to for him to come down here when he needed to and if I didn’t have a class, he could think more about running when he has that urge. We talked about why running was scary and what that meant in terms of our and his safety. He offered a pinky promise. I’m less interested in the promise then him setting his own goals. Mr. F mentioned that the student really wants to keep his promises but physically can’t. I totally see that so I just hope having this physical and emotional outlet can become a safer alternative.
The class following and directly before lunch also went very well and we had a lot of fun today! Lunch was nice, and though unrelated, I had an awesome Cuban sandwich except it wasn’t really a Cuban sandwich because they used steak instead of roasted pork. Still, it was delicious. I also managed to get an interview and some clips for my intended documentary on this year!
Then came 1st grade CTT. It was awful. I was so upset. There were fights. The guidance counselor was their helping but in the process of doing so I was so hurt by his words of instruction on what I “should” have been doing in those moments. I know they were in the moment and to get things done and I shouldn’t take it beyond that. I was uncomfortable restraining a student for fear of legal repercussions but I was not going to let them hurt themselves and each other like that. It wasn’t even that he said anything harsh. It just felt so out of control. I wasn’t. I would have handled it. I’ve had that class by myself without even a Para. I just needed a couple minutes. Regardless though, the safety of the students deteriorated rapidly. Children were running, grabbing mallets, playing instruments, pulling and pushing each other, some were laughing, we were chasing the few who were getting physical. It was a rainy day so no one had recess. Eventually one was removed after breaking up one fight and being in another (the one who’d been visiting me and had earlier in the day), one we gave side work to after he stopped crying, and the other student running and fighting I talked down. Then we mellowed, listened to some music and sang quietly. The rest of the class was about trying to maintain low energy and using song and music to channel our thoughts and feelings. I’m still stunned. I’m so upset. I feel broken after that. I’m sure I’m overreacting but I just feel helpless. I want to go talk to the Guidance Counselor, and I will before I leave today but I can’t believe how all that happened.
My last class, though more talkative then usua,l was fun but I’m sure would’ve been more fun if I didn’t have this on my mind. I think they could tell that it was bothering me. I mean, I know they could. I wish I could have been more present for their class. KBam thanks for your feedback and I do need to move on, and be in that moment instead of over thinking the last class or even the one I’m in. You as always, are a rockstar.
After extended day and dismissal I stopped in to chat with my union rep and another of the newer teachers. I asked about restraint and fights and that protocol. I know now that under no circumstances do we ever HAVE to break up a fight. We don’t know what’s in our kids bags or pockets. In any neighborhood, and trying to avoid as many assumptions as I can about this one especially, there could be anything from drugs to needles etc. Someone found a lighter and started a fire in the bathroom today. A second grader. That being said, I still want to, and will put my body in between two students. I would rather their safety first. I do have that right knowing that I am taking that risk on my own. That is my moral compass.
And see, in many ways, in hearing about or speaking directly to teachers of the school that we are phasing out and taking over so to speak, this year is already much better. The other school was reportedly chaos. Students running through the halls, screaming, shouting, and swearing. Teachers yelled and were strict to the extreme. This school is different. We wait. We are a community. We will not yell. We take ownership of ourselves and our actions as classes and people. This is taking time to transition. This is a new and different way of being. This framework though is warm and loving. We are passionate and even when tired and exhausted on little sleep and seeming to live in this school, we still work so hard for these kids, parents, ourselves, and the community. That is so cool to see in my fellow teachers. I respect them all for it very much. I’m lucky to be here.
Then came my third period tech support. I did the errands etc that I needed and returned to my room. The student from yesterday came in again. I was coming back from the main building and some teachers were standing inside and informed me that we had a runner. They asked if I was free and if the student could come by. I said of course. He came with me and we started doing Orff again. We worked on various xylophone/xylophone, xylophone/metallophone and xylophone/piano combinations. It was amazing. I’ve never seen someone fall so into it. Not only that. But I was amazed at his rhythm and pitch patterns. I was playing an open bottom fifth on the metalophone. Eighth notes on the G, quarters on the C and at a brisk walking tempo. Not too rushed/fast. He not only came up with counterpuntal and syncopated rhythms, he was creating and repeating pitch rhythmic patterns in different octaves in tempo off the top of his head. Not only that but the pitch sequences were non-step wise. They had mixed harmonic intervals. When I added dynamic contrast he kept along with that. We went to various instruments. I loved it so much. After an amazing kindergarten class first period, this was wonderful.
We then sat down and talked about a compromise between us. I asked if it became ok to for him to come down here when he needed to and if I didn’t have a class, he could think more about running when he has that urge. We talked about why running was scary and what that meant in terms of our and his safety. He offered a pinky promise. I’m less interested in the promise then him setting his own goals. Mr. F mentioned that the student really wants to keep his promises but physically can’t. I totally see that so I just hope having this physical and emotional outlet can become a safer alternative.
The class following and directly before lunch also went very well and we had a lot of fun today! Lunch was nice, and though unrelated, I had an awesome Cuban sandwich except it wasn’t really a Cuban sandwich because they used steak instead of roasted pork. Still, it was delicious. I also managed to get an interview and some clips for my intended documentary on this year!
Then came 1st grade CTT. It was awful. I was so upset. There were fights. The guidance counselor was their helping but in the process of doing so I was so hurt by his words of instruction on what I “should” have been doing in those moments. I know they were in the moment and to get things done and I shouldn’t take it beyond that. I was uncomfortable restraining a student for fear of legal repercussions but I was not going to let them hurt themselves and each other like that. It wasn’t even that he said anything harsh. It just felt so out of control. I wasn’t. I would have handled it. I’ve had that class by myself without even a Para. I just needed a couple minutes. Regardless though, the safety of the students deteriorated rapidly. Children were running, grabbing mallets, playing instruments, pulling and pushing each other, some were laughing, we were chasing the few who were getting physical. It was a rainy day so no one had recess. Eventually one was removed after breaking up one fight and being in another (the one who’d been visiting me and had earlier in the day), one we gave side work to after he stopped crying, and the other student running and fighting I talked down. Then we mellowed, listened to some music and sang quietly. The rest of the class was about trying to maintain low energy and using song and music to channel our thoughts and feelings. I’m still stunned. I’m so upset. I feel broken after that. I’m sure I’m overreacting but I just feel helpless. I want to go talk to the Guidance Counselor, and I will before I leave today but I can’t believe how all that happened.
My last class, though more talkative then usua,l was fun but I’m sure would’ve been more fun if I didn’t have this on my mind. I think they could tell that it was bothering me. I mean, I know they could. I wish I could have been more present for their class. KBam thanks for your feedback and I do need to move on, and be in that moment instead of over thinking the last class or even the one I’m in. You as always, are a rockstar.
After extended day and dismissal I stopped in to chat with my union rep and another of the newer teachers. I asked about restraint and fights and that protocol. I know now that under no circumstances do we ever HAVE to break up a fight. We don’t know what’s in our kids bags or pockets. In any neighborhood, and trying to avoid as many assumptions as I can about this one especially, there could be anything from drugs to needles etc. Someone found a lighter and started a fire in the bathroom today. A second grader. That being said, I still want to, and will put my body in between two students. I would rather their safety first. I do have that right knowing that I am taking that risk on my own. That is my moral compass.
And see, in many ways, in hearing about or speaking directly to teachers of the school that we are phasing out and taking over so to speak, this year is already much better. The other school was reportedly chaos. Students running through the halls, screaming, shouting, and swearing. Teachers yelled and were strict to the extreme. This school is different. We wait. We are a community. We will not yell. We take ownership of ourselves and our actions as classes and people. This is taking time to transition. This is a new and different way of being. This framework though is warm and loving. We are passionate and even when tired and exhausted on little sleep and seeming to live in this school, we still work so hard for these kids, parents, ourselves, and the community. That is so cool to see in my fellow teachers. I respect them all for it very much. I’m lucky to be here.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
September 16th, 2009
Today felt like such a down day, like all of my classes had regressed a little bit. I was so frustrated and embarrassed by the lack of ability to do anything except wait today. I did see progress in the first grade class that I had kept in the hallway last week. It was still difficult but we definitely moved forward. We also did notecards, which I'm very excited to read since it's the first chance I've had to do them with a bilingual class.
Kindergarten I loved as usual. All of the kindergarten classes are so open and excited. It makes me so happy to be with them here!! The second grade class though was a mess. Actually, that's not even true. This morning, I had a coverage during their orientation and things went so very well! Then when I had them again it was like a completely different group. They started ok and then became completely crazy. I had to break up a fight, it was nuts. I really think there are some major bullies in the class and I think I'll have to take more time with them specifically doing conflict resolution and community building. I have no problem with that, it just disappoints me the way the think of and treat each other.
My moment of beauty today? One of the first grade CTT students who I struggled with so much last week was running through the hall again. He came by and in my room. We ended up sitting down, talking, and playing a really fun duet on the Orff instruments. I really loved that moment. That was all I needed to get through the day (That and a wonderful reminder posted on my center desk drawer that someone so very special made for me). By the time my next class came he was down and "ready" to go back. That's relative since I don't think this is the type of school that will necessarily suit him. Major props to the 1CTT teachers Mr. F and Ms. E for all they do. They work so so so hard for these kids and don't necessarily see that or get it back from them but everyone else sees and knows it and I think we're all grateful for that. It keeps everything going and makes sure that all our students' needs are being met.
I had some other thoughts and ideas but I keep forgetting to write them down. I need to start doing that. Oh well. It's time to go home. I'll add them later if I can remember.
Kindergarten I loved as usual. All of the kindergarten classes are so open and excited. It makes me so happy to be with them here!! The second grade class though was a mess. Actually, that's not even true. This morning, I had a coverage during their orientation and things went so very well! Then when I had them again it was like a completely different group. They started ok and then became completely crazy. I had to break up a fight, it was nuts. I really think there are some major bullies in the class and I think I'll have to take more time with them specifically doing conflict resolution and community building. I have no problem with that, it just disappoints me the way the think of and treat each other.
My moment of beauty today? One of the first grade CTT students who I struggled with so much last week was running through the hall again. He came by and in my room. We ended up sitting down, talking, and playing a really fun duet on the Orff instruments. I really loved that moment. That was all I needed to get through the day (That and a wonderful reminder posted on my center desk drawer that someone so very special made for me). By the time my next class came he was down and "ready" to go back. That's relative since I don't think this is the type of school that will necessarily suit him. Major props to the 1CTT teachers Mr. F and Ms. E for all they do. They work so so so hard for these kids and don't necessarily see that or get it back from them but everyone else sees and knows it and I think we're all grateful for that. It keeps everything going and makes sure that all our students' needs are being met.
I had some other thoughts and ideas but I keep forgetting to write them down. I need to start doing that. Oh well. It's time to go home. I'll add them later if I can remember.
September 15th, 2009
Yesterday was an interesting day. Classes went well enough it seemed. I struggled with the kindergarten bilingual class in the afternoon. Their teacher had some specific requests which was more than fine because I like knowing what the students are more acclimated to since it differs--sometimes more than others--from teacher to teacher. I managed to teach most of the class in Spanish, though we did do lyrics and certain things in English. In it though, I had a student who so clearly wanted more attention and the kind of attention I couldn't give in front of a full class. The student was repeatedly speaking/singing/shouting swear words in Spanish, which I knew, and I was frustrated. Eventually, I called their teacher to ask if there was something I could do to address him or what she normally did so I could as well and maintain continuity. Instead, she mentioned that it's just his need for attention and that she would come take him out of the room to sit with her during her prep.
I always feel terrible having to bother other teachers. I know they are busy and like their preps. Again, when I do I feel weak. I feel unsuccessful. I feel embarrassed.
The big highlight of yesterday was the UFT meeting. I don't feel comfortable posting all of my journal regarding this on my blog here but to sum up, I felt surprised and slightly uncomfortable. I am so happy to be part of an organization that will stand by and for me. I'm glad that they work so hard to maintain and negotiate our contracts and work/etc. I appreciate that very much. I also appreciate their insuring that these contractual obligations are being maintained. In so doing, I understand their need to come across as strong and willing to fight for you as well. What I don't necessarily appreciate is an already harsh and aggressive tone toward an administration who, while I understand they ask a lot and I'm glad they push us, I am fond of!! I like being pushed. I'm used to scrambling, I'm used to working hard and pushing limits and doing what I can do. I don't have a problem with doing that now. I know that I can say no. I wouldn't want them to stop seeking my help because our union felt like they were too ambitious etc.
Sometimes I wonder what holds Ed and Policy back more in NYC...the Regime of the Chancellor, The Mayor, Administrators, The Union, or the Teachers, or NCLB (had to throw that last one in).
I always feel terrible having to bother other teachers. I know they are busy and like their preps. Again, when I do I feel weak. I feel unsuccessful. I feel embarrassed.
The big highlight of yesterday was the UFT meeting. I don't feel comfortable posting all of my journal regarding this on my blog here but to sum up, I felt surprised and slightly uncomfortable. I am so happy to be part of an organization that will stand by and for me. I'm glad that they work so hard to maintain and negotiate our contracts and work/etc. I appreciate that very much. I also appreciate their insuring that these contractual obligations are being maintained. In so doing, I understand their need to come across as strong and willing to fight for you as well. What I don't necessarily appreciate is an already harsh and aggressive tone toward an administration who, while I understand they ask a lot and I'm glad they push us, I am fond of!! I like being pushed. I'm used to scrambling, I'm used to working hard and pushing limits and doing what I can do. I don't have a problem with doing that now. I know that I can say no. I wouldn't want them to stop seeking my help because our union felt like they were too ambitious etc.
Sometimes I wonder what holds Ed and Policy back more in NYC...the Regime of the Chancellor, The Mayor, Administrators, The Union, or the Teachers, or NCLB (had to throw that last one in).
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Addendum to Yesterday
I was thinking today about a problem I had with the kindergarten class. I was trying to do a turn and talk. It failed miserably. No one would talk. I asked why and what was going on and they said they didn't know what to talk about. I said I could prompt them again and there were several times that I explained and simplified etc. Only one pair would talk and every one else stared and laughed at them for doing that. I'm not sure how to better execute this...
Monday, September 14, 2009
September 14th, 2009
I went into school today rested with some minor allergy things. I was excited. I was peppy for a Monday morning. I got my mail, went to my room and blasted Monday, Monday for all the teachers in the mini building to enjoy whether they heard/wanted to hear it or not. I then was informed that once again, I would be having a period in the half fill over my double prep today. Great. Fortunately due to lesson planning for the week I had plenty to do. It actually turned out to be the "best" class of the day and really so far. Everyone was responsive. I think we were all engaged but got cut a little short so I wasn't able to distribute notecards and self-assess that notion. They knew the routine. We moved fast. I was happy with the pacing and the movement and the things we talked about. After that, the kindergarten also was a blast. It was kind of one those mornings where I just felt great to be teaching and loving it and loving life.
Then came the after lunch crowd. The first class that I picked up from lunch I had spoken about with the teacher previously. They hadn't had music yet and she let me know that there were still working on lining up etc and having a tough time with basic self control. It was very much there today. It took a long time to get started or even into the room. When we did however we did manage to get some things done much to the kids' credit. It was very stressful at the time. There were a couple students in the class that definitely need one-on-one attention constantly. I'm going to try really hard to engage that need but I don't know yet how to incorporate that without poorly serving the rest of the class.
Following this was the class that I had seen last Wednesday and my first class ever. I was determined to afford the space for the dialogues about expectations etc we didn't have last week. This was already a class with some characters, a few of the second graders were spending their 2nd or more year in 2nd grade which makes the social dynamic interesting. I felt good though, because I noticed that though one student was constantly being called out by other students etc for his name calling and harsh language, he was being prompted by two girls who were very quiet and hard to notice. I only noticed them by accident actually but I was glad I did. When I mentioned it and told the student that I understood why he was upset, I stopped class and we had a 5 minute discussion on name calling/not liking people, etc as a mini conflict management meeting. It really changed the rest of the class. We moved along and settled in and I'm really excited to have them back again.
Dismissal etc. was fine and quick. I was exempt from the PD as it didn't pertain to content specialists so we the clusters(who are mostly new to the DOE) had the chance to talk and vent about things we've done, haven't done, have been told, haven't been told, and have or haven't been asked to do. It's still frustrating not being fully in the loop.
Reflecting on this point further, I started my classes at TC tonight. I LOVED it. Before I get there though, I was thinking about the idea of the faculty as a social group within the building. I am, by the nature of my position, a part of this structure. However, I feel in many ways that I have a need to maintain relationships with the other teachers in order to maintain my part of this structure. In many ways, this has been easy for me so far because I truly love the rest of the staff members and enjoy their help and advice. I also think that being in this individual micro-social structure, within the meso-institutional structural context of the school at large, results in a very particular framework of thinking and being as a first year teacher. My desire to be a part of this structure as well as to find out things that no one from the DOE has told me results in leaning on my staff. I need to know certain things and how certain things work or don't work etc. My ONLY way of knowing is through a singular and limited social structural lens. I'm worried that even as I still try and reflect, engage, and challenge what I am doing, I lack perspective.
On to TC. Classes were fascinating. I can see how much work they will be but I am thrilled to be enrolled in these two classes. I feel as though the research will take me to a new level in terms of my being in the classroom as well as my understanding of the field on a much larger scale. I think that sociology and educational policy is definitely the way I want to go, especially after spending time tonight and in the readings prior to tonight, examining Sociology, other social sciences (the lesser social sciences as one professor jokingly pointed out) and finding both the underlying ties and subtle/not so subtle differences between them and how they then relate to education and schooling (two very different social institutions).
I think I had some more thoughts relating my classes to my day but it's late, and I'm a little loopy. I hope I can remember and write them down tomorrow.
Then came the after lunch crowd. The first class that I picked up from lunch I had spoken about with the teacher previously. They hadn't had music yet and she let me know that there were still working on lining up etc and having a tough time with basic self control. It was very much there today. It took a long time to get started or even into the room. When we did however we did manage to get some things done much to the kids' credit. It was very stressful at the time. There were a couple students in the class that definitely need one-on-one attention constantly. I'm going to try really hard to engage that need but I don't know yet how to incorporate that without poorly serving the rest of the class.
Following this was the class that I had seen last Wednesday and my first class ever. I was determined to afford the space for the dialogues about expectations etc we didn't have last week. This was already a class with some characters, a few of the second graders were spending their 2nd or more year in 2nd grade which makes the social dynamic interesting. I felt good though, because I noticed that though one student was constantly being called out by other students etc for his name calling and harsh language, he was being prompted by two girls who were very quiet and hard to notice. I only noticed them by accident actually but I was glad I did. When I mentioned it and told the student that I understood why he was upset, I stopped class and we had a 5 minute discussion on name calling/not liking people, etc as a mini conflict management meeting. It really changed the rest of the class. We moved along and settled in and I'm really excited to have them back again.
Dismissal etc. was fine and quick. I was exempt from the PD as it didn't pertain to content specialists so we the clusters(who are mostly new to the DOE) had the chance to talk and vent about things we've done, haven't done, have been told, haven't been told, and have or haven't been asked to do. It's still frustrating not being fully in the loop.
Reflecting on this point further, I started my classes at TC tonight. I LOVED it. Before I get there though, I was thinking about the idea of the faculty as a social group within the building. I am, by the nature of my position, a part of this structure. However, I feel in many ways that I have a need to maintain relationships with the other teachers in order to maintain my part of this structure. In many ways, this has been easy for me so far because I truly love the rest of the staff members and enjoy their help and advice. I also think that being in this individual micro-social structure, within the meso-institutional structural context of the school at large, results in a very particular framework of thinking and being as a first year teacher. My desire to be a part of this structure as well as to find out things that no one from the DOE has told me results in leaning on my staff. I need to know certain things and how certain things work or don't work etc. My ONLY way of knowing is through a singular and limited social structural lens. I'm worried that even as I still try and reflect, engage, and challenge what I am doing, I lack perspective.
On to TC. Classes were fascinating. I can see how much work they will be but I am thrilled to be enrolled in these two classes. I feel as though the research will take me to a new level in terms of my being in the classroom as well as my understanding of the field on a much larger scale. I think that sociology and educational policy is definitely the way I want to go, especially after spending time tonight and in the readings prior to tonight, examining Sociology, other social sciences (the lesser social sciences as one professor jokingly pointed out) and finding both the underlying ties and subtle/not so subtle differences between them and how they then relate to education and schooling (two very different social institutions).
I think I had some more thoughts relating my classes to my day but it's late, and I'm a little loopy. I hope I can remember and write them down tomorrow.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
September 11th, 2009
I felt comfortable today. Even though it was a completely full day with no prep and back to back classes, I liked being able to feel that flow. The classes went well enough. I really love teaching kindergarten. They’re new to school and seem to be really getting The Family School vibe. I feel like part of the challenge with many of the 1st and 2nd graders is their familiarity with how PS90 used to be run. I don’t know what that did or didn’t look like but it’s still an adjustment. Because of that, I’m having to take that time I reflected on yesterday to work on community and expectation. Part of my expectation is that we respect other classes and students in the building.
That is why I spent an entire period with a 1st grade class in the hallway. If they were not going to walk in the community space as we do, and additionally completely disregard me or anything I had to say then we were going to wait. At first I again worried about the idea of power and whether or not this was a power thing for me. It’s not. I would challenge the idea of doing this if it was, but I couldn’t even create space for discussion of why we were doing what we were doing because of the behavior. Other teachers who would stop and talk to the class would turn the corner and the students would laugh at them. It was really hard for me to have that patience and truly wait. I don’t want to be trampled on though. I want to be able to create a classroom of mutuality and reciprocity and I cannot do that if respect is not had for myself and their peers. I think I may make a phone call home about this on Monday after I speak to their classroom teacher again.
Aside from that today was great! I’m still working on showing and demonstrating the expectations that we all talked about in each class. Again, this will take time, but I’d rather wait to start the curriculum and have a safe and engaging classroom then to try running away and leave people behind. I met a couple new students this morning who brought in during my time with a Kindergarten class. One was a sweet young boy who I think may be a high functioning autistic student, or just perhaps be slightly mentally “handicapped”. The other was such a shy young girl. It was her first day of school ever and she came to my class first since I was covering. We sang her name including her in the song we were doing and slowly brought her into the class as she was comfortable. She was so upset and refused to leave at the end of class. When she came back later that day when they were again scheduled, she was so excited and talkative. It was so amazing to see that transformation in such short time. I give so much credit to Ms. T for that!!
It was also nice being able to be done at 2:40 on Friday. I enjoyed that immensely. As much as I enjoyed the ensuing happy hour and sleep. I made a list for myself in terms of things I wanted for my classroom and things I need to get done this weekend. That will be my project for tomorrow. Monday will be a whole new adventure as I have two classes at Columbia after school. For now, I will breathe and enjoy the weekend.
That is why I spent an entire period with a 1st grade class in the hallway. If they were not going to walk in the community space as we do, and additionally completely disregard me or anything I had to say then we were going to wait. At first I again worried about the idea of power and whether or not this was a power thing for me. It’s not. I would challenge the idea of doing this if it was, but I couldn’t even create space for discussion of why we were doing what we were doing because of the behavior. Other teachers who would stop and talk to the class would turn the corner and the students would laugh at them. It was really hard for me to have that patience and truly wait. I don’t want to be trampled on though. I want to be able to create a classroom of mutuality and reciprocity and I cannot do that if respect is not had for myself and their peers. I think I may make a phone call home about this on Monday after I speak to their classroom teacher again.
Aside from that today was great! I’m still working on showing and demonstrating the expectations that we all talked about in each class. Again, this will take time, but I’d rather wait to start the curriculum and have a safe and engaging classroom then to try running away and leave people behind. I met a couple new students this morning who brought in during my time with a Kindergarten class. One was a sweet young boy who I think may be a high functioning autistic student, or just perhaps be slightly mentally “handicapped”. The other was such a shy young girl. It was her first day of school ever and she came to my class first since I was covering. We sang her name including her in the song we were doing and slowly brought her into the class as she was comfortable. She was so upset and refused to leave at the end of class. When she came back later that day when they were again scheduled, she was so excited and talkative. It was so amazing to see that transformation in such short time. I give so much credit to Ms. T for that!!
It was also nice being able to be done at 2:40 on Friday. I enjoyed that immensely. As much as I enjoyed the ensuing happy hour and sleep. I made a list for myself in terms of things I wanted for my classroom and things I need to get done this weekend. That will be my project for tomorrow. Monday will be a whole new adventure as I have two classes at Columbia after school. For now, I will breathe and enjoy the weekend.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Day Two-September 10th, 2009
Today felt so much better. I felt like I had a handle on my own nerves which translated into how I came across in the classroom. I got to school extra early and turned in my health insurance and W-4 forms finally so that felt nice. I feel like it’s a bit unfair the way all the new teachers have had to fend for themselves in terms of getting and figuring out HR procedures and information. We’ve done most of that work ourselves.
After that I ran down to my room and opened everything up before going out to and watching the gate. The morning went much more smoothly in the cafeteria. It’s still a little hectic since students didn’t necessarily remember their teachers and couldn’t know where to go with the location change but it still flowed well.
1st period during prep I went down to the Kindergarten CTT class to do a name song/game. I don’t get to see that class but I was glad to be invited in for some morning music anyway. 2nd period I did a quick run through with my kindergarten bilingual class of procedures and expectations in the music room and that also went very well.
After a mid morning tech period, I finished the morning with a 2nd grade general ed class. They were great! The class went as smoothly as I could have wanted. I was firmer, more patient in waiting, prompted discussion in creating class rules/expectations, and managed to still do song and movement. The class was fun and I like the way the environment felt. Walking to lunch was something a little different. I’m still amazed how much 1st and 2nd graders either don’t remember how to, or were never expected to line up and walk through the building. It takes so much time to get the class up and moving and we cut into their recess. That being said, most teachers were going through this as I was not the first or last to recess so I think it’s an interesting school-wide work in progress.
This is where my day got a little rough. I had to pick up a class I’d never met from lunch/recess for their music class. It was a 1st grade bilingual CTT class. Upon entering the playground yard area, I was informed by the Paraprofessional for the class that she would be taking her lunch since there was a problem with her scheduled lunch time. This left me with a class that normally has two teachers and a Para by myself. She did help me get the class back to my room, which was fun. I was told by another principal in the building to get the kids off the playground because “it was her time”. Meanwhile I had students running through other schools’ children. George in particular was uncontrollable. He remained this way the entire way into the building. He ran all over the minigym, all over the place and was not listening to me, the Para, the assistant principal, one of the ESL teachers and another teacher. He was sliding down rails in the yard, etc. I was terrified. I genuinely wanted to cry. I could not believe I wasn’t even going to have a Para.
I finally got all of the students to the class and seated. After speaking to George quietly in the hallway on the way he wasn’t as unable to channel his energy, or he was motivated, or something, but the class actually went really well. I was very relieved. We had some wonderful discussion about music and got to dance, sing, and even played one of the Orff instruments in addition to going over and developing the procedures of the room.
Last on the docket today was a first grade general ed class. They were also a lot of fun. They had their own characters as all the classes do. The class again went as well as I would have hoped. The lesson was similar to the 1 CTT lesson. One student sticks out in my mind though. Bill. He was so interested in the instruments the entire class. When we finally went at the very end to take a quick turn on one of the Orff Xylophones, the class was not ready. Part of being firm and patient meant that if the students were not following the rules/expectations that we had all JUST set forth, I wasn’t going to budge. They missed the opportunity because time ran out. Bill was so upset by this, completely in tears. It broke my heart. I asked his teacher if I could have him for an extra minute (since it was the last period of the day before the 20 minute wrap up/ pack up time) and she said certainly. I spoke to him and we played the Xylophone and the piano together. He seemed so happy and comfortable. I’m really glad he got to experience that. I was made aware that he was new today and also has a certain IEP so I don’t know if I’ll see him again but I hope so or I hope he gets music. He was so at home in those instruments.
After today I feel so much better. I feel more confident and I’m happy with how well today went. I’ve also come to understand that it’s the first week of school. All of the students are adjusting just as much or more so than the staff are. They are learning routines, building community, and getting used to being away from home and back in school. I know that I shouldn’t stress too much about getting onto the curriculum this week as I get to know the students. This is about the music classroom community and environment. This is about framing and affording space for free thinking and musical ideas/expression.
I still know that there is a lot to get done in starting the year like finishing Orff set up, some paperwork, and more that I want to add to the room, but these things will happen. I’m new and it’s ok to be new. I’m excited to start talking about our goals, working on our expectations, and transitioning into the curriculum next week. I’m also excited for Friday and happy hour…
After that I ran down to my room and opened everything up before going out to and watching the gate. The morning went much more smoothly in the cafeteria. It’s still a little hectic since students didn’t necessarily remember their teachers and couldn’t know where to go with the location change but it still flowed well.
1st period during prep I went down to the Kindergarten CTT class to do a name song/game. I don’t get to see that class but I was glad to be invited in for some morning music anyway. 2nd period I did a quick run through with my kindergarten bilingual class of procedures and expectations in the music room and that also went very well.
After a mid morning tech period, I finished the morning with a 2nd grade general ed class. They were great! The class went as smoothly as I could have wanted. I was firmer, more patient in waiting, prompted discussion in creating class rules/expectations, and managed to still do song and movement. The class was fun and I like the way the environment felt. Walking to lunch was something a little different. I’m still amazed how much 1st and 2nd graders either don’t remember how to, or were never expected to line up and walk through the building. It takes so much time to get the class up and moving and we cut into their recess. That being said, most teachers were going through this as I was not the first or last to recess so I think it’s an interesting school-wide work in progress.
This is where my day got a little rough. I had to pick up a class I’d never met from lunch/recess for their music class. It was a 1st grade bilingual CTT class. Upon entering the playground yard area, I was informed by the Paraprofessional for the class that she would be taking her lunch since there was a problem with her scheduled lunch time. This left me with a class that normally has two teachers and a Para by myself. She did help me get the class back to my room, which was fun. I was told by another principal in the building to get the kids off the playground because “it was her time”. Meanwhile I had students running through other schools’ children. George in particular was uncontrollable. He remained this way the entire way into the building. He ran all over the minigym, all over the place and was not listening to me, the Para, the assistant principal, one of the ESL teachers and another teacher. He was sliding down rails in the yard, etc. I was terrified. I genuinely wanted to cry. I could not believe I wasn’t even going to have a Para.
I finally got all of the students to the class and seated. After speaking to George quietly in the hallway on the way he wasn’t as unable to channel his energy, or he was motivated, or something, but the class actually went really well. I was very relieved. We had some wonderful discussion about music and got to dance, sing, and even played one of the Orff instruments in addition to going over and developing the procedures of the room.
Last on the docket today was a first grade general ed class. They were also a lot of fun. They had their own characters as all the classes do. The class again went as well as I would have hoped. The lesson was similar to the 1 CTT lesson. One student sticks out in my mind though. Bill. He was so interested in the instruments the entire class. When we finally went at the very end to take a quick turn on one of the Orff Xylophones, the class was not ready. Part of being firm and patient meant that if the students were not following the rules/expectations that we had all JUST set forth, I wasn’t going to budge. They missed the opportunity because time ran out. Bill was so upset by this, completely in tears. It broke my heart. I asked his teacher if I could have him for an extra minute (since it was the last period of the day before the 20 minute wrap up/ pack up time) and she said certainly. I spoke to him and we played the Xylophone and the piano together. He seemed so happy and comfortable. I’m really glad he got to experience that. I was made aware that he was new today and also has a certain IEP so I don’t know if I’ll see him again but I hope so or I hope he gets music. He was so at home in those instruments.
After today I feel so much better. I feel more confident and I’m happy with how well today went. I’ve also come to understand that it’s the first week of school. All of the students are adjusting just as much or more so than the staff are. They are learning routines, building community, and getting used to being away from home and back in school. I know that I shouldn’t stress too much about getting onto the curriculum this week as I get to know the students. This is about the music classroom community and environment. This is about framing and affording space for free thinking and musical ideas/expression.
I still know that there is a lot to get done in starting the year like finishing Orff set up, some paperwork, and more that I want to add to the room, but these things will happen. I’m new and it’s ok to be new. I’m excited to start talking about our goals, working on our expectations, and transitioning into the curriculum next week. I’m also excited for Friday and happy hour…
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
The First Day of School
My first day! So, from the beginning. I didn’t sleep well last night. I kept waking up and thinking it was time to go. It wasn’t. Finally the alarm when off when I was really out of it but oh well I guess that’s to be expected. I woke up, showered, and Hannah and I went to Tom’s restaurant. It was a fun, and filling way to start the day. After that it was off to school. I managed to set up the projector for my SMART board and get the musical alphabet laminated before I had to go watch the car lot. Afterward, I went up to the mini-gym where it seemed kind of emptyish. That went away quickly and we filled up. There were kids and parents everywhere. Kindergartners were crying not wanting to leave their parents. Other kids didn’t know where to go or if they were in the correct school. I will say though, that for the chaos of it all, it was still organized. Everyone knew where to be and we managed, late, but we managed to start the day with the school song and head out to the classrooms.
The remainder of my morning consisted of helping get some more late registrations to their rooms. I also finished putting up my alphabet and getting set/organized for the classes of the day. Then came the first class. They greeted me in the hallway with a “Good Morning, Mr. D.” I thought that was a fun start. We went in sat in circle and I didn’t care about who sat where. I just wanted to go! We started singing our introduction song, “Let me introduce myself, my name’s Mr. D, here we are in music…” etc. Everyone was singing. There was some talking so while we were singing I moved around the circle and occasionally pointed and re-sat some people. That went pretty well. Then we talked briefly after some piano demonstration about different ways we might have talked about music or head music talked about. We listened for this and then were able to free move to the song. Some students were shy. Others were trying to do everything from Michael Jackson to breakdancing. I really loved it but other students just laughed. In the moment I then asked everyone to close their eyes and to move in their places so to respect each others' space. This worked only briefly.
At a loss, I changed the music trying to see if there would be a change and there wasn’t. Then we sat down. I passed out rhythm sticks and I said instead of moving we’re going to listen and use our rhythm sticks to respond to the music. This was more universally participatory. It was also a nice lens into where the second graders were at in feeling pulse. Some students were using their rhythm sticks in different ways, which we talked about after. I asked what ways different ways we could use them (or not use them) citing examples from what just happened.
Then we transitioned over to talking about words we think we know about music and where/when/if/what they would like to think about/engage in throughout the year. This went only ok. The SMART board though very cool and useful lended itself to shadow puppetry and the like. We did have some words that went up like audio track, rapping, etc that I’ll merge into the word wall next week but I would have wanted more. After this the notecard activity went pretty well. I was happy. I haven’t had the chance to look at the cards yet but I’m excited to see what’s on them, especially as a means of self-assessment and gaining perspective. The walk to lunch was also interesting due again to the same particular student who’d been fairly disruptive all day.
Lunch was fine and so relaxing. I’d forgotten how nice it was to have a mid day mediation time. It was lovely. The afternoon was relaxing in prep for my second and last class of the day due to Kindergarten early dismissal. It was the 1st grade bilingual class. It started by them being 20 minutes late because they thought they had art. Then, after another great edition of the song game, the class fell apart. Completely. Totally. Well maybe I’m exaggerating. I never felt out of control. Almost, but not. I was never worried for any of the students’ or my safety. So, there is one student who of course will remain nameless but he was all over the place. When we got up to begin the movement to the music he was having none of the guidelines set out for safety, meaning, he was all over the room twirling, falling onto the floor etc. Finally, I asked that he sit down until he was ready to join in a way that respected all the members of the classroom. Even doing this was difficult, so much so that we had to end the movement activity and move on. I used the chalk board this time because of time constraints and my worry over the aforementioned student’s physical behavior. This went very well and I think was a fun and engaging exercise for the ELL’s as many students were participating including one who apparently, though this only comes from what the rest of the class said, had not spoken a single word all day not even to say her name. I felt happy there. After this though, the notecards were scary. Again, we were rushed due to 20 missing minutes but this student ended up hiding under one of the Orff tables and crawling out only to steal other student’s notecards and pencils and then rip them up. I couldn’t say anything. I wasn’t going to pull him out for fear of my own job but it was so very frustrating. I felt utterly helpless and so embarrassed and paranoid that someone was watching or could see.
After today, I feel much less nervous. I’m not afraid or intimidated by the kids. I don’t know why I was, I’ve spent plenty of time with and teaching this age group. However, I still feel so inadequate. I feel like I did an all out crappy job today. I feel like people know that because I asked for advice and explained the situation. What I don’t get? I’ve done this. I’ve handled this. Just because I don’t have my cooperating teacher in the room doesn’t make it any different right? Why does it feel that way then?
Also? I’m so at odds with this rule debate. I’ve been going back and forth all day. I want to show the students our routine. I don’t want to have to talk about rules etc. It’s not a lazy or ill-considered idea as I’ve thought about it, but I just don’t want to be stuck saying here are the rules, etc. I don’t know what that accomplishes. I don’t like the implicit and problematic power hierarchy embedded in that. Do I think we should create the rules together? Yes. I will revise and tomorrow will incorporate group expectation discussion in between movement and song. Do I think that doing that today would have “fixed” the issues I was having? No. I think this could help in general.
This is kind of the meta argument I’ve been facing lately. Behaviorism vs. learning. I don’t necessarily mean to dichotomize the two, but it’s such a fine line with this age. There are certain things that for all purposes it appears like these kids are being trained to do, meaning life skills like socio-interpersonal developmental skills, as well as how to ignite, harness, and maintain their own physical and emotional well beings. I struggle so much not wanting to punish or reward. I fight for intrinsic motivation. I want this class to be fun. We will have fun. We will have fun because I will think as hard as I can about the lenses, mediums, and levels of instruction that meet the students where they are at. Then again, I don’t see how to avoid the reality that there are certain things they cannot do. Why “can’t” they? Because the Chancellor’s code dictates that? Because it makes sense? I’d be happy to explain but I don’t know. I’m just so torn up with this. I want to engage openly as learners not as a trainer and his dogs. We are humans. However, from a developmental psych and bio perspective, there are certain things that we are still being reinforced to do as part of life. What are these things? Ha, I don’t even know right now.
How do I end tonight? I love teaching. I love what I’m doing. I love this school, and I already love these kids. I know this is what, where, and how I want to and dare I say “should” be right now. I know that I’m going to wake up tomorrow knowing that I thought about today and will take my intro lesson and carry it over modified with my reflections to better serve and engage all of us. That’s all I can do I guess. Push on knowing that it will get better, because I am better, because I’ve done and can do amazing things teaching music and I can’t ever let myself forget that.
The remainder of my morning consisted of helping get some more late registrations to their rooms. I also finished putting up my alphabet and getting set/organized for the classes of the day. Then came the first class. They greeted me in the hallway with a “Good Morning, Mr. D.” I thought that was a fun start. We went in sat in circle and I didn’t care about who sat where. I just wanted to go! We started singing our introduction song, “Let me introduce myself, my name’s Mr. D, here we are in music…” etc. Everyone was singing. There was some talking so while we were singing I moved around the circle and occasionally pointed and re-sat some people. That went pretty well. Then we talked briefly after some piano demonstration about different ways we might have talked about music or head music talked about. We listened for this and then were able to free move to the song. Some students were shy. Others were trying to do everything from Michael Jackson to breakdancing. I really loved it but other students just laughed. In the moment I then asked everyone to close their eyes and to move in their places so to respect each others' space. This worked only briefly.
At a loss, I changed the music trying to see if there would be a change and there wasn’t. Then we sat down. I passed out rhythm sticks and I said instead of moving we’re going to listen and use our rhythm sticks to respond to the music. This was more universally participatory. It was also a nice lens into where the second graders were at in feeling pulse. Some students were using their rhythm sticks in different ways, which we talked about after. I asked what ways different ways we could use them (or not use them) citing examples from what just happened.
Then we transitioned over to talking about words we think we know about music and where/when/if/what they would like to think about/engage in throughout the year. This went only ok. The SMART board though very cool and useful lended itself to shadow puppetry and the like. We did have some words that went up like audio track, rapping, etc that I’ll merge into the word wall next week but I would have wanted more. After this the notecard activity went pretty well. I was happy. I haven’t had the chance to look at the cards yet but I’m excited to see what’s on them, especially as a means of self-assessment and gaining perspective. The walk to lunch was also interesting due again to the same particular student who’d been fairly disruptive all day.
Lunch was fine and so relaxing. I’d forgotten how nice it was to have a mid day mediation time. It was lovely. The afternoon was relaxing in prep for my second and last class of the day due to Kindergarten early dismissal. It was the 1st grade bilingual class. It started by them being 20 minutes late because they thought they had art. Then, after another great edition of the song game, the class fell apart. Completely. Totally. Well maybe I’m exaggerating. I never felt out of control. Almost, but not. I was never worried for any of the students’ or my safety. So, there is one student who of course will remain nameless but he was all over the place. When we got up to begin the movement to the music he was having none of the guidelines set out for safety, meaning, he was all over the room twirling, falling onto the floor etc. Finally, I asked that he sit down until he was ready to join in a way that respected all the members of the classroom. Even doing this was difficult, so much so that we had to end the movement activity and move on. I used the chalk board this time because of time constraints and my worry over the aforementioned student’s physical behavior. This went very well and I think was a fun and engaging exercise for the ELL’s as many students were participating including one who apparently, though this only comes from what the rest of the class said, had not spoken a single word all day not even to say her name. I felt happy there. After this though, the notecards were scary. Again, we were rushed due to 20 missing minutes but this student ended up hiding under one of the Orff tables and crawling out only to steal other student’s notecards and pencils and then rip them up. I couldn’t say anything. I wasn’t going to pull him out for fear of my own job but it was so very frustrating. I felt utterly helpless and so embarrassed and paranoid that someone was watching or could see.
After today, I feel much less nervous. I’m not afraid or intimidated by the kids. I don’t know why I was, I’ve spent plenty of time with and teaching this age group. However, I still feel so inadequate. I feel like I did an all out crappy job today. I feel like people know that because I asked for advice and explained the situation. What I don’t get? I’ve done this. I’ve handled this. Just because I don’t have my cooperating teacher in the room doesn’t make it any different right? Why does it feel that way then?
Also? I’m so at odds with this rule debate. I’ve been going back and forth all day. I want to show the students our routine. I don’t want to have to talk about rules etc. It’s not a lazy or ill-considered idea as I’ve thought about it, but I just don’t want to be stuck saying here are the rules, etc. I don’t know what that accomplishes. I don’t like the implicit and problematic power hierarchy embedded in that. Do I think we should create the rules together? Yes. I will revise and tomorrow will incorporate group expectation discussion in between movement and song. Do I think that doing that today would have “fixed” the issues I was having? No. I think this could help in general.
This is kind of the meta argument I’ve been facing lately. Behaviorism vs. learning. I don’t necessarily mean to dichotomize the two, but it’s such a fine line with this age. There are certain things that for all purposes it appears like these kids are being trained to do, meaning life skills like socio-interpersonal developmental skills, as well as how to ignite, harness, and maintain their own physical and emotional well beings. I struggle so much not wanting to punish or reward. I fight for intrinsic motivation. I want this class to be fun. We will have fun. We will have fun because I will think as hard as I can about the lenses, mediums, and levels of instruction that meet the students where they are at. Then again, I don’t see how to avoid the reality that there are certain things they cannot do. Why “can’t” they? Because the Chancellor’s code dictates that? Because it makes sense? I’d be happy to explain but I don’t know. I’m just so torn up with this. I want to engage openly as learners not as a trainer and his dogs. We are humans. However, from a developmental psych and bio perspective, there are certain things that we are still being reinforced to do as part of life. What are these things? Ha, I don’t even know right now.
How do I end tonight? I love teaching. I love what I’m doing. I love this school, and I already love these kids. I know this is what, where, and how I want to and dare I say “should” be right now. I know that I’m going to wake up tomorrow knowing that I thought about today and will take my intro lesson and carry it over modified with my reflections to better serve and engage all of us. That’s all I can do I guess. Push on knowing that it will get better, because I am better, because I’ve done and can do amazing things teaching music and I can’t ever let myself forget that.
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